I am not a great driver. Never winning a game of Sega Rally Car in the 90s as a teenager was a sign of things to come. I am not a bad driver however. As judged by an impartial panel of 1, me. I follow the rules pretty well. I stick to speed limits. I cannot reverse park for shiz. But that is another story.
I have had 1 speeding ticket in 14 years of driving. And that was 13 years ago. I have kept the ticket photo of the speeding car too (of a 1987 faded red Holden Barina). Mainly to show my kids what a shiz first car I had (and paid for myself) when they start asking for a new car when they get their licence. It will be my version of “when I was your age I had to walk 100km in the snow barefoot to get to school”.
I don’t enjoy driving though. Actually I hate it. When my friends and I play the ’if you could outsource one thing to someone every day, what would it be?’ game, while my friends say chef, hairdresser, and personal trainer, I scream “driver”! I want to be like Mr Big in the back of the shiny black car. I want to never have to drive.
Unfortunately I live 45 minutes away from my place of work. So for an hour and a half I drive each day. Usually via the highway (110km an hour) but sometimes by the Motorway (100km an hour), just to mix that shiz up. While my road rage stays firmly inside the car, I do get very sweary at other mother-fecking drivers on the road. I have 2 driving hates. (1) Tailgating. Urgh. Most dangerous thing ever. (2) When traffic merges onto the highway and so you (who is already on the highway) move into the right-hand lane to let the merging car in, and then they pass you on the INSIDE instead waiting that 1 second while you get back in the left lane and go around you on the right.
I swear like a trooper in the car. Hubby has bet $100 that one day the kids will come inside after driving with me and their first swear word will be a string of 5 bad words laced together and end with mother-fecking-gunt*-tailgaters. My friend E (an ex cop) car swears as much as I do. We have invented a game where instead of just random car swearing rants, we actually make up car swear rap songs. And when we catch up, we sing them to each other while the other one does a really lame beat box. If you rap it early 90s style, is it still road rage? Probably. Bring on the chauffeur I say.